Away 24


What. IS That. Should I TW that? That is a mess? Idk let me know.

Potential gross?

Pocket watch or Stop watch? Idk.


Away 23


YEAH. IT’S UP.  Back to the program, as scheduled.

Also: yeah. If not mentioned before, I present: the name sake of the Arc.

Achiru’s Alice: Art collab part one! (tw: blood, knives)

Achiru's Alice


So, this came about via two things:
Short version:
1) This was based on “Alice the Madness Returns” 
2) I drew the line art, pictured here, and my friend Achiru coloured it. And oh my god, they made it amazing. 
Alice and Shyte mental health care Professionals
And a side note:

I can’t express how much I love this piece. Forever. It holds a place in my heart.
Longer version: 
(at the end is me just talking about the piece, if you want to skip the rest but want a longer expression).

1) So, “Alice” isn’t completely unproblematic. However, one thing I was thinking about is the name of the game.

Here me out, alright? The whole thing about “Madness returns” is that it puts it on Alice. Like, it blames her for her mental health and issues and stuff. The game already sensationalizes mental health/illness to be edgy. If I am not mistaken, that’s kind of a big trend in the horror genre?

I’m not trying to shit on horror in general, and I get it. Psychology, and messing around with how brains do things, is quintessential to some of our favorite “scare me” tropes. What is the big three of horror/ psychological horror? The known, the uncanny, and the Unknown? This game does a really neat job of utilizing all three to make some interesting levels, and layered plot that reveals itself over time. Though, the easiest way to do that it seems is pot shots at mental illness, it seems. Stigma reinforcement, conflations and vague distinctions between disorders and their symptoms, etc.

And again, I love this game. A lot! So I am not just trying to shit on it. I’m just trying to pay attention to this cause I am trying to get away from it in my own writing, world building, as well.

And That’s where the original line art for this piece came from.

I was going to make a silly, parody, fan art piece with a different name that (in my head) would poke fun/address this issue a little.

In stead of, “Alice the Madness Returns,” I was going to call it; “Alice and the shit mental health care system and it’s terrible professionals,” or something.

Spoiler warning ahead: 

Because, really. Alice is a kid that suffered PTSD, years of psychological manipulation, terrible treatment, guilt and self hate, all because of one terrible dude in a position of power and his hate filled boner.

People want to talk about personal accountability in terms of mental health? Alice is not the one who needed to do that sole searching. And the one who did? Wasn’t going too.

The interesting thing too is it’s not just that “she hallucinates because shes Cr*zy.” When I played the game, Wonderland was a childhood home for her to play in her imagination. It was her trauma, and issues, that took it and distorted both it and the reality around her.

Yeah, her psychotic breaks return. But you find out literally through the game that the one who started the original event, and the one manipulating your memories to try and make you forget, were all the same person. Gas lighting in multiple terms.

I wanted to make fun of this idea that it’s Alice’s fault and responsibility that’s she’s going though all this when, the game is all about dispelling that myth.  The idea that “oh the madness returns she’s mad and crazy” rather than “a person who’s been messed with sense a young age trying to better herself and come into her own, make sense of her trauma, and hold folks accountable.” How she ends up holding the guy accountable, and whether you agree with it, is up to you. But I feel the title more stigmatizes her as victim than shows her as victim of trauma who addresses it, and becomes her own hero. Which the game play and plot more shows.

I get also, that my alternative title gives the plot away, so I’m not even asking for that to change. Just, was going to make a funny thing to show the disconnect. So I made that line art, and then was going to finish it.

2) I told a friend, someone who I preformed with, about my little Drawing adventure. They were the one who helped inspire me to make the first thirty posts, to get back into more consistent updates.

However, I have mentioned before that drawing and other things I keep putting down and picking back up. Someone like this friend, who has been doing it consistently, is so beyond me in knowledge and capability. Yet, talking to them was one of the few times that had inspired me, rather than held me back. It was like having a friend who inspired me like my favorite web comic artists did. It was super neat.

But, unfortunately, I still put them on a tiny pedestal. Like, I am trying to get better at putting people up without putting myself down, because that’s not really good for you or them. Sometimes it’s so hard though, when you see people do something really cool, it’s easy to inflate them to a status both you and they cannot live up too.

With ADD, illusions of grandeur, my big dreams, often get so big that often become in the way. It’s like, the honeymoon part of the relationship, but only that part with every single thing you do, relationship you have, and anything else. Sometimes you see the big picture that it’s almost impossible to narrow down, and take it step by step. Which is, often, the healthier route.

So, when this same friend approached me to do a collaboration, I was kinda stunned. It was affirming that I was learning and making progress, which I lose sight of. It made me see more value in my own stuff, even if I still have much to learn. I was super happy to oblige.

But I also know I am a mess, and they wanted to do this in person. So I suggested that before I make a commitment to do this in person, and struggle to keep that commitment, let’s do a test run first.

Their idea was we each draw something, and the other one colours it. Cool. So, I cannot wait to do that. But, this version was doing that, but sending each other stuff we had drawn online and then doing that. So, basically, making sure we could do what she planned, even if we failed to find a date to meet up.

I had the Line art done for this, and so I asked if I could send it to them! It was easier than making a fresh piece, and I was interested to see what they did with it.

Finally thoughts to piece these two rants together: 

I can’t express how much I love this piece. Forever. It holds a place in my heart.

They managed to capture the feel of the game, their own style, alter the line art but keep it very much in the style I was playing in, and make like “Attack on Titan” anime/action/horror aesthetic.

“Achiru’s Alice” is a god damn action hero. My original thought was my version of the piece was going to be a lot more silly, considering how serious the game is. But their version preserves that feel and the intensity of what I based it on.

She’s like adult Sailor Moon, in the Japanese version (less censored), and in 19th century London.

I would watch a series based on this game drawn in this style. I want to watch it. That’s why I love this so much.

The idea she can change, but keep so much of what I drew and make this. It warms my darn heart, okay?

This idea was so much fun and I really want to thank Achiru for asking me to do it. And the day after? Comes my take on one of their pieces.

(If it gets confusing Achiru uses She and they, so I was switching between them a lot)