Pride: Prologue, Page 1.

Content warning for this arc:

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Page1.png

 

Yup, this is happening! Super excited. But what does this nonsense have to do with Pride? The coming pages will slowly reveal all! And with me behind the wheel, it will be clear as mud in no time!

Wait.

Anyway, I was tempted to make this edit the actual page:

Page1 test.png

A simple reversing of the image, and it feels like there is more space and more depth? Like more 3D. It also catches more motion cause it looks more like she’s falling back.

But the first one gives me the pose I wanted and I felt it was easier to place the text box. So, this is how we do.

Can’t wait to post more of this, folks! Hope to see you around for it!

 

Away 25

Away25 Final.jpg

This one is trying to capitalize on the themes and experiments that I had been working/ playing with. But these last few strips are an alternate way of relating to the name sake of the arc. It will make more sense in time, as much since time can make.

Here are some additional images that reflect the creation process of this piece!

Away25-Grey-scale-ConvertImage.pngAway25-Grey-Colour-ConvertImage.pngAway25-miasma-ConvertImage.pngAway25-ConvertImage.png

 

Achiru’s Alice: Art collab part one! (tw: blood, knives)

Achiru's Alice

 

So, this came about via two things:
Short version:
1) This was based on “Alice the Madness Returns” 
2) I drew the line art, pictured here, and my friend Achiru coloured it. And oh my god, they made it amazing. 
Alice and Shyte mental health care Professionals
And a side note:

I can’t express how much I love this piece. Forever. It holds a place in my heart.
Longer version: 
(at the end is me just talking about the piece, if you want to skip the rest but want a longer expression).

1) So, “Alice” isn’t completely unproblematic. However, one thing I was thinking about is the name of the game.

Here me out, alright? The whole thing about “Madness returns” is that it puts it on Alice. Like, it blames her for her mental health and issues and stuff. The game already sensationalizes mental health/illness to be edgy. If I am not mistaken, that’s kind of a big trend in the horror genre?

I’m not trying to shit on horror in general, and I get it. Psychology, and messing around with how brains do things, is quintessential to some of our favorite “scare me” tropes. What is the big three of horror/ psychological horror? The known, the uncanny, and the Unknown? This game does a really neat job of utilizing all three to make some interesting levels, and layered plot that reveals itself over time. Though, the easiest way to do that it seems is pot shots at mental illness, it seems. Stigma reinforcement, conflations and vague distinctions between disorders and their symptoms, etc.

And again, I love this game. A lot! So I am not just trying to shit on it. I’m just trying to pay attention to this cause I am trying to get away from it in my own writing, world building, as well.

And That’s where the original line art for this piece came from.

I was going to make a silly, parody, fan art piece with a different name that (in my head) would poke fun/address this issue a little.

In stead of, “Alice the Madness Returns,” I was going to call it; “Alice and the shit mental health care system and it’s terrible professionals,” or something.

Spoiler warning ahead: 

Because, really. Alice is a kid that suffered PTSD, years of psychological manipulation, terrible treatment, guilt and self hate, all because of one terrible dude in a position of power and his hate filled boner.

People want to talk about personal accountability in terms of mental health? Alice is not the one who needed to do that sole searching. And the one who did? Wasn’t going too.

The interesting thing too is it’s not just that “she hallucinates because shes Cr*zy.” When I played the game, Wonderland was a childhood home for her to play in her imagination. It was her trauma, and issues, that took it and distorted both it and the reality around her.

Yeah, her psychotic breaks return. But you find out literally through the game that the one who started the original event, and the one manipulating your memories to try and make you forget, were all the same person. Gas lighting in multiple terms.

I wanted to make fun of this idea that it’s Alice’s fault and responsibility that’s she’s going though all this when, the game is all about dispelling that myth.  The idea that “oh the madness returns she’s mad and crazy” rather than “a person who’s been messed with sense a young age trying to better herself and come into her own, make sense of her trauma, and hold folks accountable.” How she ends up holding the guy accountable, and whether you agree with it, is up to you. But I feel the title more stigmatizes her as victim than shows her as victim of trauma who addresses it, and becomes her own hero. Which the game play and plot more shows.

I get also, that my alternative title gives the plot away, so I’m not even asking for that to change. Just, was going to make a funny thing to show the disconnect. So I made that line art, and then was going to finish it.

2) I told a friend, someone who I preformed with, about my little Drawing adventure. They were the one who helped inspire me to make the first thirty posts, to get back into more consistent updates.

However, I have mentioned before that drawing and other things I keep putting down and picking back up. Someone like this friend, who has been doing it consistently, is so beyond me in knowledge and capability. Yet, talking to them was one of the few times that had inspired me, rather than held me back. It was like having a friend who inspired me like my favorite web comic artists did. It was super neat.

But, unfortunately, I still put them on a tiny pedestal. Like, I am trying to get better at putting people up without putting myself down, because that’s not really good for you or them. Sometimes it’s so hard though, when you see people do something really cool, it’s easy to inflate them to a status both you and they cannot live up too.

With ADD, illusions of grandeur, my big dreams, often get so big that often become in the way. It’s like, the honeymoon part of the relationship, but only that part with every single thing you do, relationship you have, and anything else. Sometimes you see the big picture that it’s almost impossible to narrow down, and take it step by step. Which is, often, the healthier route.

So, when this same friend approached me to do a collaboration, I was kinda stunned. It was affirming that I was learning and making progress, which I lose sight of. It made me see more value in my own stuff, even if I still have much to learn. I was super happy to oblige.

But I also know I am a mess, and they wanted to do this in person. So I suggested that before I make a commitment to do this in person, and struggle to keep that commitment, let’s do a test run first.

Their idea was we each draw something, and the other one colours it. Cool. So, I cannot wait to do that. But, this version was doing that, but sending each other stuff we had drawn online and then doing that. So, basically, making sure we could do what she planned, even if we failed to find a date to meet up.

I had the Line art done for this, and so I asked if I could send it to them! It was easier than making a fresh piece, and I was interested to see what they did with it.

Finally thoughts to piece these two rants together: 

I can’t express how much I love this piece. Forever. It holds a place in my heart.

They managed to capture the feel of the game, their own style, alter the line art but keep it very much in the style I was playing in, and make like “Attack on Titan” anime/action/horror aesthetic.

“Achiru’s Alice” is a god damn action hero. My original thought was my version of the piece was going to be a lot more silly, considering how serious the game is. But their version preserves that feel and the intensity of what I based it on.

She’s like adult Sailor Moon, in the Japanese version (less censored), and in 19th century London.

I would watch a series based on this game drawn in this style. I want to watch it. That’s why I love this so much.

The idea she can change, but keep so much of what I drew and make this. It warms my darn heart, okay?

This idea was so much fun and I really want to thank Achiru for asking me to do it. And the day after? Comes my take on one of their pieces.

(If it gets confusing Achiru uses She and they, so I was switching between them a lot)

Poetry posts:

“Desirae:

There once was a Princess,

Who dressed as a pauper;

Who thought she would die,

If she lived any softer.

Even in her tower,

Of Ivory white;

She was depressed,

And cried every night.

If she would start,

Her Path Anew;

She’d have to learn how,

“To thine own self be true.”

 

Don’t lose your way, Desirae.”

One of the poems that I wrote while either figuring out my name, working through emotions as I got the name, or the piece I did for my performance that I will be posting within the next week. It’s a fairy tale like aesthetic, for sure. The content, however, about various different themes relating to get my name back. I also refer to this in many of the life update comics, and use lines from this poem even in that performance piece.

In this poem I talk about how engaging with being open with who I was (and that not fitting masculine norms) seemed to increase certain outside threats, or perceived ones. It’s also briefly mentions that this place was a strange one for me to be in, because of my privileged experience. Being white, growing up in Suburbia, even some of the social/ familial support I have now. In the same breath that recognizing that I had grown up lucky, or have supportive parents (which many queer folk don’t), and other resources, it was still a struggle growing up hiding who I was. It was like the very tower that protected me felt like a cell I was caged in, and it was and is hard to wrap my head around.

The pauper thing played into that too. Not just as a kid, but in all ages I felt this weird tug-of-war. This contradiction. Dressing up fashionable seemed to signify possible queerness, in ways, but not being up to snuff also could be socially ostracizing. So, the line about dressing as a pauper, is almost literal. I didn’t know I had ADD as a kid though I exhibited a lot of extremes of various symptoms even up to this very day. So, because I couldn’t channel masculinity in athleticism or other means, I kinda used the closet as an excuse to be a mess before I knew what the closet was. Being a mess/slob had more of a “guy” connotation. So as frustrating and self defeating as the symptoms were, I felt safer in that space. I could be a mess and not get beaten up for being a “@#$,” cool. Yeah. But I was still weird, stained, ripped, unfashionable little monster. Who often got by pure chance in school because I was never organized in terms of studying, either. Yeah. That had no negative repercussions. Not a one! But the idea of being the princess dressed as pauper facilitates that whole “if I went out doing what I really wanted to do, I would be more exposed and less safe than I was.” How much of it was paranoia? How much did I play into the bullshit I was so upset over while trying to survive and stay safe? Who knows. It was Juvenile and tacky. More ways than one.

So if I wanted to grow past all that? I had to start accepting myself, and grow on that path. That ties into the ending parts, and the last line, a lot. Also, the “don’t lose your way” line is from an Anime where the girl is an action hero, and it stuck with me in terms of theming. For all the times I was told to “be the best you can be” (lol) and that I should “be myself” or that I had a God given talent, or I was loved and appreciated unconditionally, that I should stay on the “straight and narrow…” there was nothing more confusing and isolating than being in the closet. The ways told me to move forward were often exactly how I got lost to begin with. And if I was to really bloom, come into my own, I had to accept this side of me. All themes in my performance piece.

Okay, so that was long. But that’s it for now! Hopefully if I have other stuff written, poetry or prose, I will try to post some of it! This has some elements of “15 year old just starting to write” but I am proud of it, cause it was one of the first poems I had written in years. 

So hope you enjoyed, and see you around!

 

21: I’m rediscovering Magic:

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“And suggested in this ancient tome;
in the darkness, answers, direly roam.”
Hey! I drew a book! and it looks okay! 

17: Metamorphosis.

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I’m sorry for all the sparkles.
No I’m not.
And it will only get worse.
Less sorry.
Also, here are the frames and the preview!
This SHOULD be the order in which they appear in the GIF, but might be mistaken.

10th update: Getting better?

Untitled

This one seems super out of the blue, yeah? Like, very different from what was happening before? If the Orc wasn’t a clue, I’m trying to work on a more fantasy element in my comic. You can see elements of that pop up in some of the old strips, I think? So you’ll see more of my experimenting and practice in trying to practice with those elements.
If it wasn’t clear, she’s traveled a long path. And where she is seems cool, but what’s next isn’t so clear.

Attached is the Preview image and the image I used as a banner, just in case you guys wanted to see and make comparisons.

 

Review comic: Number 1

Review comic 1 copy

 

 

 

 

(Warning for language below)

So this is my first review comic! The idea was to make the initial premise of this comic and make it suck les-

Angry Mustachio

 

 

Not all my review comics are going to be full on reviews, but lumped into my review comics  anyway. I will normally try to vent frustration, praise, or my neutral opinions of things in the main comic (Be the Best (You can be)). However sometimes these things are Company/product/artist Specific. When this is the case, and I can’t avoid name dropping, these parody/ review comics serve to be a release on those valves.

For example: I think many artists/content creators are worried about originality  and authenticity when they make their art. They may want to reference what is already out their, but want to create something that’s their own. How do we balance this? Well, if any show has established a unique balance, it’s the show of good ol’ Doctor.

Some may argue that the show created some of the tropes because it has been around for so long.  Time travel, space travel, robots, heroes, reincarnation, weird devices, evil things. Some of these existed before the show began, and even the tropes they did “create,” have evolved into something unique that differs from when the show originally started. In fact, I found it was hard to watch because it was to original. It was so different, so unique, and such a fucking space case show on drugs that my brain hurted too much after I watched it. And it manages that kind of reaction for a new viewer (Me) after being around for ever. 

It may be trope-y, but I would still argue it reinvented the wheel.

No, it STILL does.

 

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