Something I wrote on FB a long time ago. Technically they own it. But, unless it get’s me famous, I really don’t think they would care. The thing about the spelling errors is part of the original post. Just thought I would mention that. ALSO, a little sappy. So, there is that.
This is going to have mad spelling errors, and it is not based on anyone particular person. Just some random hypotheticals strung together. So yeah, this is a story about a contemporary issue that hopefully will get destroied after people read this story. Enjoy XD
Jack had been much louder as a child in his younger years compared to the present. Granted, he was still loud and embaressed himself frequently when he raisied his hand to answer questions in class, but the boy cursed with tongue twistedness had become increasingly more reserved. His laughter was sometimes a cover up for his loneliness, his joy simply a clever mask for his deep melancholy state.
Could it be what happened just a year ago is still plaguing him?
He had confessed his love to a girl named Courtney 11 months and three days ago, and was turned down. Everyone knew he was angry for a while, and many people thought he was right to feel mislead. The two WERE inseperable, they did EVERYTHING together. There was not a moment they spent together where one had their face contorted into a frown. Many thought they were right for each other, but alas she had her eyes on another.
Poor Jack didn’t understand. Why this other fellow, Clint, why him? He used his clothes and his money to buy respect from others, he was mean and rude and a braggart, he was ass. Pure and simply, he was an ass. Jack thought that there might be girls who want a piece of ass, but not a whole asshole. And if there were girls who were into that, he didn’t think it would be Courtney.
So Jack slowly slid until he could hide in plan site. He rarely talked to Courtney anymore, and it tore him up inside. He didn’t want to be “just friends.” He wanted to be hers.
What he didn’t realize is that this tore Courtney up too. He saw Joan desperately look at Jacky with eyes of need. Joan was the only person who seemed to be able to talk an honest Jack. To get him to share his heart, she could get him to be himself. He never had problems doing that before, and when he did she was the only one who could do it. Courtney was being replaced by a girl who was so obviously in love with Jack, there was no way she could compete against Joan for his friendship. And he didn’t give her the time of day.
Courtney thought the least she could do was to help Jack see what a good girl Joan was, and hopefully pairing the two up might at the very least allow there her friendship with Jack to end on a good note. So she confronted Jack.
Jack might be taken back! His heart pounded with glee when Courtney wanted to talk to him again. Well, that was short lived. All she could go on about was Joan. He didn’t care. He had enough. He got up to walk away…
“When did you become so rude?!” Courtney shouted at Jack.
“I may be rude,” Jack replied, “but at least I am not crazy.”
“Oh, and Isupposed I am,” Courtney snorted.
Jack almost ran back to her so he could get in her face to yell these words:
“YES. YOU. ARE. You complain about how women get treated by men all the time, about our dementedly patriarchal society, about how you are tired of cocky asshole boys who make girls life horrible AND YOU ARE DATING THE EPITOME OF THAT.”
Courtney chuckled, “Really, that’s what that’s about?”
Jack stood there dumbfounded. That wasn’t the reaction he expected.
“Love isn’t something that’s planned, my friend,” she went on to explain. “The reality is, as much of a dumb boy he can be, he can be sweet and carring and the nicest gentlemen I have ever met.”
This was all blah, blah, blah, to Jack. The NEXT part however, hit him hard.
Courtney asked him a simply question, “besides, how can I love someone who doesn’t completely love me?”
Jack DEMANDED an explination, in his mind, as to what that meant. OF COURSE he loved everything about her…
“You don’t love the part of me that isn’t in love with you.”
Again he froze. What’s with all of this bullshit, it didn’t make any sense.
“Think about it,” Courtney said as she kept stringing Jack along to a different path of thinking. “you love all of these things about me. I know you do. The way I laugh, the way I smile, it’s the same things I love about you. But you do not love them the same, the way it is with your little game, if I am not yours to tame. You stop loving those things about me at the level you USED to love them simply because you don’t think I love you back. You are paranoid, you think that I will abondon you. What you want is love, what you want is an ego booster. You want to be less lonely. IT’s not me you want by your side,” she sashayed with her words “it’s just someone. You want someone, and I was the obvious choice because I was your closest friend. Love may com in many forms, but that isn’t it. If you look at how you actually love me, deep in your heart, its no different than how you love me.”
The saddness into his heart transformed into a complete hollowness of being. Not a love sickness that he thought he suffered from, but a dissapointment in himself…
Much later that evening, after she had dissapeared from his sight, he went home furious. Walking through the door he started breaking shit all over his house. His mother was screaming at him as he unleashed his hate for himself, but he would not hear her woulds even after he slammed his door.
After preforming his anguish to an audience of one, he grabbed the lonely photo that sat on his nightstand. It was his deceased father. It was a hero. Someone who changed the lives of many, Someone who left the world better than he found it.
“I miss him too,” His mother who had seemed to seemed to sneak up on him reminisced.
He hadn’t planned on sharring with his mother, but the words escaped him.”I just wish I could be him…”
“Of course you can’t be him ,” his mother said in that same world a way voice.
“I know.” he thought to himself.
“You can be like him though…”
“HOW!?” He stood up from the bed with shock and awe.
“Simple. Grow into yourself.”
And with that she left a troubled Jack alone in the universe with his thoughts…
10 years later…
Courtney was meeting an old friend in the one hour there schedules allowed them too, before they went back to their very seperated lives.
There was Jack, similar as he was in the past, bbut yet totally different all at once. She couldn’t place what the change was or what happened to him, but they had an hour to talk about it. He smiled at her, a smile that was straight from a memory of when they hung out together, yet some how stronger.
“it’s been to long,” he stated as he wrapped her in a big bear hug. He inquired about her life, they talked about everything under the sun. They smiled. They laughed again. It was like the past, but better.
She had to ask about it, they change, that is.
His smile never changed. He just looked into space and with clarity he spoke.
“I love you as you said I would, but I was just used to hiding out in the open, that I forgot what you loved about me. I forgot that I hid that away. It was my ability to be myself. As I started to remember that, that ability to just be myself, to be glad with whatever exists with me in this life, I kinda just grew into myself. They guy I wanted to be and that guy I ought to be became the same guy. I became, me. In the purest sense, and if someone is going to love me romantically it’s when I am me. And I will love them for being them, whoever they are at that moment.”
Then Jack got up to go. He waved good bye as he went to meet his girlfriend for three years, Joan, for a romantic evening. And as he left, Courtney had tears in her eyes. Whether they were for joy or for sorrow, as she watched her boy, her “kid brother” walk a way a man.