So, I decided to join this writing challenge thing because, honestly I want to write better. That is, more intelligently. I have honestly loved the ideas of mythologies as long as I can remember, and in fact, I never would have subscribed to the catholic faith in school if I did not have an interest in mythologies. I have always tried to create my own. Worlds beyond measure, just on the tip of the tongue of my imagination. Visions, pieces of worlds, fragmented among an unfocused sea, a boat stranded in the tempest with no port to speak of. It was frustrating. Hundreds of souls lived in my mind, pounding out to free themselves in some way, fighting amongst themselves to try and exist in some form in the real world, the world outside of my mind. When I would try and piece legends, stories, and heroes together, I needed cement to make them stick. I got glitter glue.
I never knew what my defect was. I didn’t get how kids who could not just have an idea, but actually make the idea into something someone else could read. Or someone else could take part in it. I was the bane of a lot of teachers in some ways not because I didn’t try, or because I wasn’t smart, but because there were times that even with my effort or brains I still could not get what I wanted to say out. They saw the ideas (some were a little disturbed by the ideas I came up with) but, the map I gave them to navigate through them was always poorly drawn. Even the words I use to explain how convoluted my thoughts are convoluted. Fluff. No real substance, dancing around the subject as if I’m some sort of self-deprecating sugar plum fairy. It’s not like I am trying to be hard on myself or whining. I just get tired of people saying I am capable of doing things and I want to actually do them. I want to stop missing opportunities trying to make good on opportunities, and getting tangled in my two mental left feet.
It does not just affect my writing. It pervades my speech. My study habits. My work ethics and my punctuality. My organization. Hugely affects my organization. Losing things. When I find things, if I do. Affected my politics, whether I can find the arguments to stand for what I believe in or just stay silent as I watch people get hurt and not being able to stand up for them. Or, do behaviours that I know I would detest if I looked with my best, but stayed so silent against them that I just begin to think those jokes, that laughing at certain people, is normal. It’s almost like I have compromised who I am trying to find out who I am. Sorting out though those ideas, I just don’t have tools to figure out where I actually need to be.
Now, I could write more about this, but I only had twenty minutes and I am writing straight from my head so I will end with this (I am already over twenty minds). All the reasons above is why I started “Be the best (you can be).” I know this sounds like a shameless plug, and it’s hard to convince you guys that I am not #shamelessselfpromoting, or that I did not think about this beforehand if it ended up being about my comic strip, but I still want to say this. I wanted a project I would do a) consistently (I don’t post consistently on the day I am supposed to but I am aiming for one post a week b) I would do as an exploration of how I view things, but kind of as I do them (like a journal?) , to try and reflect how I feel about things right or wrong c) would post whether it was professional or not so I could practice something and get better at it. So that’s what the comic is going to be. Even if it doesn’t become the place where I sort out all the mess in my head, I know it will help. This time, I am going to start a universe and let it be one. I will not let inferiority/ superiority complexes, perfectionism, procrastination, self-deprecation, or anything else hold me back from this. Like this writing exercise course thing, I am going to do it. Stick with it. And, even if it doesn’t get me what I expect, I know it will be worth it, to stick to my guns for once and to not give up if I fail.